Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
