I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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