i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
