A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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