i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He did a backflip because drugs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
