i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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