Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
