i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How external is "for external use only"?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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