if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
