I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Are we still banned from the library?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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