I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
