the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
