I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
