Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
