Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
