Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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