I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
