If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
