Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
