i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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