she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
