You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
