he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
