ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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