I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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