Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
