plz talk dirty to me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When are your genitals available?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
