you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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