counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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