Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
