blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
