he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
