I could make wine with my vomit
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I want to be your penis for a week.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
