yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Rumble strips road head = magical
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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