I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
