Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
