batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
