she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
