Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
