please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
