I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
