If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
