my sisters under your porch take her home
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
