just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
