10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We are all done wearing pants today
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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