i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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