too bad you live with your parents still
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
