apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
