We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
