Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
