oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
